When I joined the local Seniors’ Centre after retirement, I met many new women and men through the local clubs and activities. This is a place for strong, vital people who want the stimulation and surprises an active life still offers to those who seek it. They are interested and interesting.
The women are feisty. I put it down to having a lifetime of succumbing to other’s needs and demands, always playing second fiddle, and denying their own requirements and desires. Now, at this time of their life, they find themselves released from all those pressures and they aren’t going to do it anymore. This is a time for them.
The men seem chilled, calm. Perhaps they, too, are tired of life’s demands on them to support, guide, lead, be the boss, the one in charge. They are glad to release the reins of power to another. This is a time for them.
Our twilight years offer us a freedom from all the duties and obligations we have had for most of our lives. Children are grown, the nest is empty; jobs are complete, retirement beckons. This is a time for us, a time for women and men to live their best lives. We still have time.
In the Autumn of my life may I remember that this is when one’s true colours come out in all their showy splendour. My beauty glows in scarlets and golds laced with hints of the past green of yesterdays. I blaze and my brilliance can take your breath away. I can only stand in awe at the majesty of it all.
Even as they fall from the trees, the leaves dance to their end in swirling, twirling eddies of colour. Such joy in their descent. I dance with them.
But the show of glory isn’t over yet.
I watch my grandchildren playing in the leaves on the ground. That’s when they’re the most fun for running and leaping, rolling and tossing in arms of brilliance. I join them in play too. And we laugh. And laugh some more. For what is life if we have forgotten how to laugh and play?
I used to say summer was my favourite season but maybe now it’s fall. It’s when the richness of a life well-lived comes to its peak of brilliance.
Before the quiet slumber of winter comes, let me revel in this season of beauty and wear my colours with pride and gratitude. And a whole lot of merriment. And add a dab of silliness just for fun.
With my recent renovation, I have been cleaning out shelves and cupboards that have held things for years. One of the things I found was a vision board that I made 12 years ago when my husband Tom was diagnosed with cancer.
A vision board is a visual collage of images and words that reflect your goals and dreams in life. I made mine with magazine photos and words as well as some art made by my Gr. 1 students at the time. My vision board includes pictures of dance, nature, travel, and good health. I posted it in my kitchen where we would see it every day and it inspired us and gave us hope for the future during our cancer journey. It was our daily reminder to live our best life.
Perhaps a vision board could help you through a difficult time of your life. No matter what’s happening, we can still live every day with zest and joy and be full of gratitude for the many small gifts that come our way. A vision board reminds you to be filled with hope for the future. Never stop dreaming. Never stop loving life.
I recently read an article by communication scientist Richard Huskey about flow; what is it, what is its benefits, why should we seek to find it in our lives. (Why Does Experiencing ‘Flow’ Feel So Good? A Communication Scientist Explains)
Flow occurs when we feel focused and in control of an activity. We lose our sense of time and surroundings. We have a strong sense of ourselves and the intricacies of the action. The ease and natural energy we dispense brings us joy and a sense of well-being. We feel in control and capable. We’re ‘in the zone’ with an experience that is both skilled and challenging, making us feel completely satisfied with our creative accomplishments. (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Psychologist and Author “Beyond Boredom and Anxiety: Experiencing Flow in Work and Play)
There are many ways we can achieve flow in our lives. It can happen with equestrians, swimmers, artists, dancers, musicians, cooks, chess players, surfers, or mountain climbers. It can even happen with video game players. It doesn’t matter so much what you do as long as it brings you a sense of “self-control, goal pursuit, and well-being.” This experience of flow makes us more resilient and capable in other areas of our lives too. It can keep us from burnout and depression and worry. It can help us cope with difficult times and situations such as the pandemic.
I find flow in my dance, my writing, cooking, yoga, gardening, and walking in nature. These activities bring me a sense of joy and well-being and a sense of accomplishment. I feel relaxed and happy when I do them.
Do you have ‘flow’ in your life? What makes you feel in-the-zone?
“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.” ~Ann Voskamp
While scanning the menu choices for viewing on my TV last night, I came across an international award-winning documentary called “The Apology” by director Tiffany Hsiung and producer Anita Lee for The National Film Board of Canada on TVO.
It’s a story of the 200,000 young girls and young women who were kidnapped by the Japanese Imperial Army during WWII and taken to “comfort stations” where they were forced into military sexual slavery.
The shame that these ‘comfort women’ carried with them after their release was silently carried for decades until enough of them were encouraged to reveal the truth and begin a path to healing and recovery with their families and their governments before their stories were lost forever as they passed on.
The story is told through the eyes of three elderly women; Grandma Gil in South Korea, Grandma Cao in China, and Grandma Adela in the Philippines. The shame and guilt these women carried for so many years and their bravery and determination to tell their stories and gain a formal apology and compensation from the Japanese government before they are gone is heart-breaking and inspirational.
Through sharing their stories with other victims and finding the courage to finally reveal their hidden truths to their families and those close to them, these women are beginning to find healing and gain international support. In 2014, Gil Won-ok traveled to Geneva, Switzerland where she delivered 1.5 million signatures to the office of the high commissioner of human rights at The United Nations demanding redress to the victims of wartime sexual slavery.
Through telling their stories, past transgressions are brought to light and hope is given to those who survive. When shame, judgement, and blame are set aside it makes room for understanding, healing, and love.
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” ― Brené Brown, ‘Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead’
Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. Do these words strike terror in your heart?
Over the years I have helped friends and family to downsize and start anew with a smaller home. Now I am trying to minimize my own belongings. Not because I have any visions of moving but I see the inevitability of it as I age. I would like to start now. I have found that decluttering happens in stages.
Stage 1 is easy. To toss, sell, or give away those clothes, pieces of furniture, knick knacks and collectibles, extra dishes and other belongings that we haven’t used in years or have no need for any more in our forseeable future is really not that hard. In fact, it may even be an easy and quick process.
Stage 2 begins to get a little more difficult. We now are dealing with those things we own but never or rarely use with the statement, “I may need this someday.” I no longer fit into that beautiful dress but I will lose that weight and it will fit me again. I may need those extra dishes and linens when family come to visit. I may read those books someday. That china plate is just too beautiful to part with.
A long-time friend that I helped move three times over the years found it impossible to part with antique collectibles, fine china, her sterling silver sets, because of her emotional attachment to an earlier financially richer time of her life. Even though she never used these things anymore and would not be using them in her future, she was caught up in what they symbolized to her. They meant she was worthy. She was valuable. To part with these kinds of belongings needed encouragement and loving negotiation from family and friends.
Stage 3 is the most difficult of all. Now we find ourselves having to part with things that are sentimental to us or have wonderful memories that we connect to the object. To depart with these things is like throwing away pieces of our selves. We don’t want to do it and we may not be ready emotionally to do it. If we have the space to store it, then perhaps we will hold on to it a little longer. Sometimes we have no choice and things have to go. There just isn’t room for it.
This stage of purging takes a lot more thought and deliberation. It means we have to answer deeper questions about ourselves and who we truly are. It can be painful. But it can also be freeing and edifying. As I lighten up the load of my belongings, life becomes more meaningful. Who am I? Why is that so important to me? Does it really represent who I am today, now, in the present? Does it really add to my future and my future self?
This past summer, my daughter, an interior designer, helped me to refurbish and renovate a cluttered back sun porch. Things I had been storing for years, for a variety of reasons, finally found a new home or were thrown away. Collections of glassware were re-evaluated. Only the choicest pieces stayed and found a more suitable place in my home. My wind chime collection now hangs in my outdoor garden. My daughter chose one little wooden robin from my larger collection and placed it prominently on the top of a new shoe cabinet. With one beautiful little piece, she highlighted its beauty and it acts as a simple single symbol of my past.
Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. These words can make your life simpler and more meaningful. Get rid of that stuff. You may end up feeling lighter, less burdened, and more yourself than you have in a long time. Live your new life with joy. Make some new memories.
A Sit Spot — “A sit spot is simply a favourite place in nature (or looking out a window at nature) that is visited regularly to cultivate awareness, expand senses and study patterns of local plants, birds, trees, and animals. The practice supports mindfulness, builds routine and increases focus.” (www.wildsight.ca)
My friend/dancer Colleen Frances, introduced me to this phrase. She took a beautiful picture of me on a beach in Costa Rica before our morning dance class began, when I was just sitting alone, prayerfully, gratefully enjoying the morning sunrise. She told me that if we do this, pick a spot each day, the same spot, perhaps the same time, and then just open our senses to what is happening around us, the birds and the animals begin to expect us and things begin to happen. Things we would never have noticed if we hadn’t sat silently and expectantly are wondrously noticed by us.
We Are Wildness (www.wearewildness.com) says the five qualities of a perfect Sit Spot are “it is close, it has nature, it is solitary, it is safe, your attitude.” Any spot can be a perfect Sit Spot, even if it doesn’t appear that way at first.
Once we’ve chosen our spot, Colleen used the phrase RAW — Relaxed body, Alert mind, Waiting spirit, to describe the mental conditions we use when we sit at our ‘Sit Spot.’
My photographer friends often use this means of getting that perfect and unique photo. Stu McCannell, a skilled wildlife photographer, told us that the birds and insects and other animal life around us have habitual patterns that we can use to get that perfect shot. The Kingfisher returns to the same perch overhanging the river or the dragonfly has a favourite blade of grass or leaf to return to. In my garden, I know when to expect the robin for its nightly bath in my small pool.
My artist friend Suzanne Dyke, loves to sit in ‘plein aire’ and paint what she sees in front of her. Sections of my books have been written after sitting, contemplating nature and my own thoughts.
Choose a Sit Spot. Visit it every day. First, just sit, in quiet and alertness, watching and listening. You may be inspired to paint that picture, write that journal entry, take that photo, or it may just relax you and fill you with wonder at our beautiful natural world we have around us. “Stop and smell the roses” as they say. You’ll be better for it.
During this pandemic and the stay-at-home orders, I have started gardening in earnest. My daughter Brittany came to live with me last summer and together we transformed a back weed lot into a beautiful garden of flowers, flagstones, and a fountain. We learned a lot about seeds and plants, soil and watering (I’m still learning) and the practice of horticulture. Many small creatures; bees, insects, spiders, birds, groundhogs, squirrels, chipmunks, skunks, and rabbits have all visited our little haven and together, they have taught us many lessons about living in harmony with nature.
I have come to a realization that there is a whole group of gardeners who live by the philosophy of trying to live in an ecological balance with nature in their gardens. Natural means of diverting animals are used, such as planting marigolds or using raised beds and chicken wire fences. Insect pests are washed away with soap and water or hand-picking instead of chemical means. Growing plants that are native to the environment and planting seedlings that are non-invasive is encouraged. Rather than trapping or killing animals, there are those that choose to use other means such as a scarecrow or simply planting enough so that both the animals and humans share in the garden’s bounty. I have come to see the wisdom of planting an abundance of seeds rather than a few, knowing that many of them will be lost to natural means.
The whole experience has brought to mind a little folk song I used to sing with my little grade 1’s when I was a teacher.
“Four seeds in a hole, Four seeds in a hole, One for the mouse, One for the crow, One to rot, And one to grow.”
Know that the essence of the natural world is abundance. One yellow dandelion head will yield over a hundred seeds, a female frog will lay over a thousand eggs, one pine tree can grow into a forest. Accept, too, that life gives and life takes away. Not all that you plant will yield a crop. Other creatures may eat it as a food source so that they may have life. Some seeds will not germinate and will rot in the hole.
We humans are a part of nature. There can be enough for all if we learn to cultivate and share what nature gives us freely. Gardening offers us an opportunity to connect with nature and find our balance with all living things. What we do to the land will ultimately affect our lives in the long run. Let us learn to live in harmony and ecological balance so that all life may thrive. Gardening can teach us that.
This New Year’s Day I found myself reluctant to make any big
resolutions. I am such a goal-oriented person and when I make a goal, I
make a back-up plan for how it will come to pass, and then I’m checking
my progress along the way at specific signposts. It has often become
work rather than play. Meaningful work at the time but this year I
thought, “Nah, I don’t feel that driven. I don’t want to put myself
through that.”
And yet, I do want to move forward as a person. This year
my aim is “To Love Better.” It sounds too simple and wishy-washy but it
has big output when it’s put into place. I want to increase my circle
to enlarge my world and take a bigger stand in it.
I want to listen better, contact you more often, be interested and care
about you. I want to be more generous in my gifts of all kinds whether
that be time, finances, or material goods. I want to be braver in
stepping forward to be in your life. I have learned that I don’t need to
be intimidated by you, we are all equally worthy.
I want to be
more aware. I don’t need to be overwhelmed by you and your life. I don’t
need to solve all your problems and take them on as my own. I just need
to be there for you in small little doses or in bigger, more extended
ways if it feels right and it’s helpful for us both.
I want to
be more attentive, watch for the moments when I can step forward — by
opening a door, letting you go ahead of me in line, helping carry your
packages. I want to stop turning my back on world problems and learn
about them and take responsibility for them. I can’t solve them but I
can take little steps to change myself and my little place in the world
by cutting down on my garbage output, my use of energy resources, and
contributing to causes that promote good environmental practices. I can
write about world problems and offer solutions guided by others to
spread the word and offer aid when needed.
I would be amiss if I
forget to include loving myself in my resolution. I want to focus on
good health practices, by watching my diet, exercising regularly, and
taking time for mental and spiritual growth.
I want to love my
God, my spiritual guide better. I want to read more, talk more, learn
more, share more, pray more, listen more. I want to be open and
receptive. I want to be quieter and attend to You more.
It’s
already sounding bigger and more complicated, isn’t it? It doesn’t have
to be. All I have to do is keep my little mantra in mind, and in every
instance in my life just keep saying it, “Love better.” When I start to
whine and complain and I just want to give up, I say to myself, “Love
better.” When you begin to irritate me and I find myself wanting to
strike back in anger with bitter words or walk away, I say to myself,
“Love better.” When I’m feeling overwhelmed and know that I deserve
attention too, I say to myself, “Love better” and attend to my own
needs.
