I was at a family Christmas event yesterday and I was telling my nephew about my busy life and how I feel overwhelmed at times. He said, “Aunt Barb, you are retired and have nothing but time to do exactly what you want and use your time for the things you really want to do. You are making choices to keep busy and overwhelmed. You don’t have to do that.”
He’s right. I need to zone in to my inner heart and prioritize my needs and wants. I need to “listen to the whispers of my soul.” Especially in this holiday season of shopping, baking, partying, and feasting.
Enjoy the holiday season but give your energy to those things that are truly important to you and not just expected by others. Give because it fulfills you to give, not because you feel obligated. And remember, there are many ways to give. Time is a gift. A Christmas card is a gift. A plate of cookies is a gift.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays to all.
What a summer it has been. COVID restrictions were lifted and the world went a little crazy. We all jumped into our new found freedom like lambs let loose into a spring pasture. Everything that had been cancelled for up to three years during the pandemic was suddenly happening and I didn’t want to miss a thing.
It was a whirlwind of travel, concerts, visits, day trips, and events. At times it felt a little busy with the constant packing and unpacking, driving, and crowds but I kept going as I knew it would be short-lived. Summers are short in our part of the country. Fall comes way too soon. It wasn’t just me. It seemed my friends and family all had that condition known as FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and plans were made for constant activity throughout the summer.
I have hardly been home since June. The month started with the Orangeville Jazz & Blues Festival, the Writers’ Festival at Wellington County Museum, an Ed Sheeran concert in Toronto, and my Photo Club Picnic at a local park. It ended with a week-long trip to a beautiful resort in Vermont with some of my family.
My Writers’ Club continued to meet every Thursday and we had a barbecue at one of our homes early July. My family went camping at Killbear Provincial Park and we joined them for a couple of days and took in the 30,000 Island Boat Tour. My friend and I attended the Weiner Dog Races at Grand River Raceway in Elora. Such fun and so many laughs! We went to the Orangeville Rib Festival and I spent 5 days camping and volunteering at the Hillside Music Festival with my family. I also drove a total of five hours so I could attend my granddaughter’s first birthday party.
In August, I had a ½ day turnaround to get ready for 9 days of house-sitting at my brother’s lakeside home up in Bancroft (it was SO relaxing), followed by a few days to cut my lawn, pull some weeds, attend a meteor shower party with friends and then head out to Cape Croker for 5 days of camping and a traditional powwow. I visited friends who live in Lion’s Head, went Nia dancing on a local beach, and visited a local gallery The Art Shoppe as well as a local artist’s studio. I managed to have some time with another friend and we went to a sunflower farm in Ariss, the Kitchener Blues Festival, the movie Barbie, and the Guelph Ribfest.
It’s now Labour Day weekend, the traditional end of summer and I finish the summer off with my grandkids and friend at the Orangeville Fall Fair. Whew! It makes me tired just writing about it all. My grandson hopes we will get some fishing in too.
I really thought things would start to slow down in September. In fact, I was looking forward to it. My poor garden is alive thanks to all the rain we had this summer but it sure wouldn’t win any prizes and I haven’t written anything new for my upcoming book in the last three months. It’s wonderful that my summer has been so full of fun activities but after the isolation and quiet of the past three years, the constant activity has felt a little overwhelming at times.
September is already starting to fill up. I have four lunches and a dinner planned with family and friends, two theatre events, a short overnight get-away, and a three-day stay with family to help out with my new granddaughter. There’s a photo club field trip and lunch on the books and a local festival with family. Things do not seem to be slowing down.
I sound like I’m complaining. I’m not. I’m very grateful for my family, my friends, my health, and the opportunities to do so much. Life is full. I just wish the cup would empty once in a while before it gets topped-up so quickly. Perhaps I can start sipping at it instead of chugging it down. It’s all a matter of choices and control, isn’t it? It wouldn’t hurt to miss out on a few things and start prioritizing my daily activities and find some restful time to slow down and contemplate life once again. I relish that. Maybe it’ll happen in October.
I am presently taking a genealogy course to trace my family line. Yesterday we registered with Ancestry.ca and I have begun creating my family tree.
I quickly realized that it seems to be set up for direct blood lines. My family is not that simple. My father passed away when I was 7 years old, mom remarried, and my new dad legally adopted us and, within a few years, I had two new brothers, one passed, one still alive.
My mother and new dad divorced years later and Dad remarried. I now have a whole new family of sisters and a brother, nieces and nephews. Later, I divorced and remarried and, once again, the family expanded.
Doing my family tree, I have asked myself “Who counts as family?” Even though we may not be related through direct blood lineage, my new family members are truly family to me.
From Familyhistorydaily.com – “In our daily lives, family often has less to do with biological or legal connections and more to do with personal relationships. Those people who are intimate parts of our lives, who we love and care for, who care for us, are our family. What makes a mother, father, sibling, child, grandchild is seldom straightforward.”
I’m hoping as I delve further into my family tree that there will be options to break out into all directions. For after all, family are tied together with far more than just blood and DNA. Love and commitment are binding glue that hold us together throughout our lives.
When I joined the local Seniors’ Centre after retirement, I met many new women and men through the local clubs and activities. This is a place for strong, vital people who want the stimulation and surprises an active life still offers to those who seek it. They are interested and interesting.
The women are feisty. I put it down to having a lifetime of succumbing to other’s needs and demands, always playing second fiddle, and denying their own requirements and desires. Now, at this time of their life, they find themselves released from all those pressures and they aren’t going to do it anymore. This is a time for them.
The men seem chilled, calm. Perhaps they, too, are tired of life’s demands on them to support, guide, lead, be the boss, the one in charge. They are glad to release the reins of power to another. This is a time for them.
Our twilight years offer us a freedom from all the duties and obligations we have had for most of our lives. Children are grown, the nest is empty; jobs are complete, retirement beckons. This is a time for us, a time for women and men to live their best lives. We still have time.
In the Autumn of my life may I remember that this is when one’s true colours come out in all their showy splendour. My beauty glows in scarlets and golds laced with hints of the past green of yesterdays. I blaze and my brilliance can take your breath away. I can only stand in awe at the majesty of it all.
Even as they fall from the trees, the leaves dance to their end in swirling, twirling eddies of colour. Such joy in their descent. I dance with them.
But the show of glory isn’t over yet.
I watch my grandchildren playing in the leaves on the ground. That’s when they’re the most fun for running and leaping, rolling and tossing in arms of brilliance. I join them in play too. And we laugh. And laugh some more. For what is life if we have forgotten how to laugh and play?
I used to say summer was my favourite season but maybe now it’s fall. It’s when the richness of a life well-lived comes to its peak of brilliance.
Before the quiet slumber of winter comes, let me revel in this season of beauty and wear my colours with pride and gratitude. And a whole lot of merriment. And add a dab of silliness just for fun.
With my recent renovation, I have been cleaning out shelves and cupboards that have held things for years. One of the things I found was a vision board that I made 12 years ago when my husband Tom was diagnosed with cancer.
A vision board is a visual collage of images and words that reflect your goals and dreams in life. I made mine with magazine photos and words as well as some art made by my Gr. 1 students at the time. My vision board includes pictures of dance, nature, travel, and good health. I posted it in my kitchen where we would see it every day and it inspired us and gave us hope for the future during our cancer journey. It was our daily reminder to live our best life.
Perhaps a vision board could help you through a difficult time of your life. No matter what’s happening, we can still live every day with zest and joy and be full of gratitude for the many small gifts that come our way. A vision board reminds you to be filled with hope for the future. Never stop dreaming. Never stop loving life.
I recently read an article by communication scientist Richard Huskey about flow; what is it, what is its benefits, why should we seek to find it in our lives. (Why Does Experiencing ‘Flow’ Feel So Good? A Communication Scientist Explains)
Flow occurs when we feel focused and in control of an activity. We lose our sense of time and surroundings. We have a strong sense of ourselves and the intricacies of the action. The ease and natural energy we dispense brings us joy and a sense of well-being. We feel in control and capable. We’re ‘in the zone’ with an experience that is both skilled and challenging, making us feel completely satisfied with our creative accomplishments. (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Psychologist and Author “Beyond Boredom and Anxiety: Experiencing Flow in Work and Play)
There are many ways we can achieve flow in our lives. It can happen with equestrians, swimmers, artists, dancers, musicians, cooks, chess players, surfers, or mountain climbers. It can even happen with video game players. It doesn’t matter so much what you do as long as it brings you a sense of “self-control, goal pursuit, and well-being.” This experience of flow makes us more resilient and capable in other areas of our lives too. It can keep us from burnout and depression and worry. It can help us cope with difficult times and situations such as the pandemic.
I find flow in my dance, my writing, cooking, yoga, gardening, and walking in nature. These activities bring me a sense of joy and well-being and a sense of accomplishment. I feel relaxed and happy when I do them.
Do you have ‘flow’ in your life? What makes you feel in-the-zone?
“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.” ~Ann Voskamp
While scanning the menu choices for viewing on my TV last night, I came across an international award-winning documentary called “The Apology” by director Tiffany Hsiung and producer Anita Lee for The National Film Board of Canada on TVO.
It’s a story of the 200,000 young girls and young women who were kidnapped by the Japanese Imperial Army during WWII and taken to “comfort stations” where they were forced into military sexual slavery.
The shame that these ‘comfort women’ carried with them after their release was silently carried for decades until enough of them were encouraged to reveal the truth and begin a path to healing and recovery with their families and their governments before their stories were lost forever as they passed on.
The story is told through the eyes of three elderly women; Grandma Gil in South Korea, Grandma Cao in China, and Grandma Adela in the Philippines. The shame and guilt these women carried for so many years and their bravery and determination to tell their stories and gain a formal apology and compensation from the Japanese government before they are gone is heart-breaking and inspirational.
Through sharing their stories with other victims and finding the courage to finally reveal their hidden truths to their families and those close to them, these women are beginning to find healing and gain international support. In 2014, Gil Won-ok traveled to Geneva, Switzerland where she delivered 1.5 million signatures to the office of the high commissioner of human rights at The United Nations demanding redress to the victims of wartime sexual slavery.
Through telling their stories, past transgressions are brought to light and hope is given to those who survive. When shame, judgement, and blame are set aside it makes room for understanding, healing, and love.
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” ― Brené Brown, ‘Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead’
Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. Do these words strike terror in your heart?
Over the years I have helped friends and family to downsize and start anew with a smaller home. Now I am trying to minimize my own belongings. Not because I have any visions of moving but I see the inevitability of it as I age. I would like to start now. I have found that decluttering happens in stages.
Stage 1 is easy. To toss, sell, or give away those clothes, pieces of furniture, knick knacks and collectibles, extra dishes and other belongings that we haven’t used in years or have no need for any more in our forseeable future is really not that hard. In fact, it may even be an easy and quick process.
Stage 2 begins to get a little more difficult. We now are dealing with those things we own but never or rarely use with the statement, “I may need this someday.” I no longer fit into that beautiful dress but I will lose that weight and it will fit me again. I may need those extra dishes and linens when family come to visit. I may read those books someday. That china plate is just too beautiful to part with.
A long-time friend that I helped move three times over the years found it impossible to part with antique collectibles, fine china, her sterling silver sets, because of her emotional attachment to an earlier financially richer time of her life. Even though she never used these things anymore and would not be using them in her future, she was caught up in what they symbolized to her. They meant she was worthy. She was valuable. To part with these kinds of belongings needed encouragement and loving negotiation from family and friends.
Stage 3 is the most difficult of all. Now we find ourselves having to part with things that are sentimental to us or have wonderful memories that we connect to the object. To depart with these things is like throwing away pieces of our selves. We don’t want to do it and we may not be ready emotionally to do it. If we have the space to store it, then perhaps we will hold on to it a little longer. Sometimes we have no choice and things have to go. There just isn’t room for it.
This stage of purging takes a lot more thought and deliberation. It means we have to answer deeper questions about ourselves and who we truly are. It can be painful. But it can also be freeing and edifying. As I lighten up the load of my belongings, life becomes more meaningful. Who am I? Why is that so important to me? Does it really represent who I am today, now, in the present? Does it really add to my future and my future self?
This past summer, my daughter, an interior designer, helped me to refurbish and renovate a cluttered back sun porch. Things I had been storing for years, for a variety of reasons, finally found a new home or were thrown away. Collections of glassware were re-evaluated. Only the choicest pieces stayed and found a more suitable place in my home. My wind chime collection now hangs in my outdoor garden. My daughter chose one little wooden robin from my larger collection and placed it prominently on the top of a new shoe cabinet. With one beautiful little piece, she highlighted its beauty and it acts as a simple single symbol of my past.
Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. These words can make your life simpler and more meaningful. Get rid of that stuff. You may end up feeling lighter, less burdened, and more yourself than you have in a long time. Live your new life with joy. Make some new memories.
A Sit Spot — “A sit spot is simply a favourite place in nature (or looking out a window at nature) that is visited regularly to cultivate awareness, expand senses and study patterns of local plants, birds, trees, and animals. The practice supports mindfulness, builds routine and increases focus.” (www.wildsight.ca)
My friend/dancer Colleen Frances, introduced me to this phrase. She took a beautiful picture of me on a beach in Costa Rica before our morning dance class began, when I was just sitting alone, prayerfully, gratefully enjoying the morning sunrise. She told me that if we do this, pick a spot each day, the same spot, perhaps the same time, and then just open our senses to what is happening around us, the birds and the animals begin to expect us and things begin to happen. Things we would never have noticed if we hadn’t sat silently and expectantly are wondrously noticed by us.
We Are Wildness (www.wearewildness.com) says the five qualities of a perfect Sit Spot are “it is close, it has nature, it is solitary, it is safe, your attitude.” Any spot can be a perfect Sit Spot, even if it doesn’t appear that way at first.
Once we’ve chosen our spot, Colleen used the phrase RAW — Relaxed body, Alert mind, Waiting spirit, to describe the mental conditions we use when we sit at our ‘Sit Spot.’
My photographer friends often use this means of getting that perfect and unique photo. Stu McCannell, a skilled wildlife photographer, told us that the birds and insects and other animal life around us have habitual patterns that we can use to get that perfect shot. The Kingfisher returns to the same perch overhanging the river or the dragonfly has a favourite blade of grass or leaf to return to. In my garden, I know when to expect the robin for its nightly bath in my small pool.
My artist friend Suzanne Dyke, loves to sit in ‘plein aire’ and paint what she sees in front of her. Sections of my books have been written after sitting, contemplating nature and my own thoughts.
Choose a Sit Spot. Visit it every day. First, just sit, in quiet and alertness, watching and listening. You may be inspired to paint that picture, write that journal entry, take that photo, or it may just relax you and fill you with wonder at our beautiful natural world we have around us. “Stop and smell the roses” as they say. You’ll be better for it.
