I felt I hit my peak at age 50. Truly the top of the mountain. Wonderful things were happening in my life; love, career, health, opportunity but I could see the downward slope of my life in my future as I aged. One could call it a crisis. But I like Brene Brown’s take on it. It’s an unraveling. Now in the autumn of my life, I know my days here on this planet grow shorter but because of that I am less inclined to waste them. I want to enjoy every day, take on new challenges, breathe in new experiences, be who I want to be, not who others want me to be. Life is precious. Live it. Live it fully. Right to the end. BH
“People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis”.
But it’s not.
It’s an unraveling . . .
a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live not the one you’re supposed to live.
The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be
I had a dream last night and in my dream, I was part of a team of women who were working on some new creative project together. We were, however, running into obstacles and difficulties and things just weren’t gelling. In my dream, I ran into the room where these women were all seated and I exclaimed to them, “We can’t just keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results. We need to do something different!”
I am a firm believer in psychiatrist Carl Jung’s belief that dreams reflect the inner psyche, the unconscious mind. They are not just random thoughts or fantasies. By examining our dreams, we can explore the symbols and archetypes offered by the images to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.
I awoke. The first thought in my mind was, I need to re-examine my life and think about it a little deeper. My dream, I believe, offered an important message to me. Now my next step is to let that little seed of advice guide me as to what needs to be changed in my life and decide how I am going to change it.
Do you believe that dreams are a reflection of our inner selves and can offer us new insights into our personal lives? I would love to hear about dreams that you feel have been significant and life-changing for you. BH
“The best gardens are a perfect balance of order and chaos. The tension created by the threatened balance is the pulse of the garden itself.” ~Helen Humphreys
Yesterday everything aligned so that I could eat my breakfast out on the back deck; the last word had been put in my book, there was nothing on the calendar, the rains had stopped, the sun was shining, and the temperature was perfect.
Sipping my morning coffee, I viewed my wild jungle of a garden that has continued to grow in spite of my busyness and neglect. Still there were pockets of beauty. I apologetically took a video as I walked through my overgrown garden and then shared it with friends. Not one of them saw a mess. Where I could only see weeds, they saw flowers. And many of the weeds had flowered themselves and were full of hungry bees and butterflies as they danced among the blossoms.
I began to see that there is a natural force in flowers and plants that will seek growth and new life wherever they are planted and in all conditions. Even with less care, and perhaps because of my dwindled care, they grew. And not only grew but thrived. Like a helicopter parent that constantly hovers over their children, planning, constructing, manipulating, we can be over zealous in our efforts to be good parents and gardeners. The flowers themselves know what they need and seek it. Do some weeding, clear the paths, provide the elements they need to grow; some water, sun, but don’t overdo it. Plants have a natural inherent knowledge within them and they will find a way. I pull out the “bullies,” those weeds that seek to dominate but leave some behind for even in them there is a natural grace and beauty.
Thank you garden, for continuing to grow, for continuing to teach me lessons.
Yesterday I spent several hours trying to work out my printer problems. I finally gave up and called the company HP Smart for technical support. The technician who I was hooked up with was called Samantha. Now, normally these calls can be hours long (which it was) and can be full of frustration and annoyance (which it wasn’t).
Because a variety of attempts to clear up my problem were needed, we both acknowledged that this was going to take a long time and some of the downloading processes were going to be very slow. We both settled in for the long haul.
For the next two or three hours, Samantha and I worked together to try and solve my problems. Meanwhile, we got to know each other as two human people with much in common. Even though we were separated by half a world (she was in India, I was in Canada), she seemed much younger than me (that’s an assumption), and we were two complete strangers, we connected.
She initiated the conversation and we quickly found out that we both had a love of writing, I a published author/a memoirist and she a daily journal writer and poet. We shared our losses in life of those close to us, including our beloved pets. We told stories about our loved ones. We shared our favourite poets and some of their work. We both love Mary Oliver. We laughed and cried and found common ground in our zest for life.
Slowly she helped me work out my printer problem and slowly we go to know each other as new friends. We both acknowledged that wouldn’t it be wonderful if we should meet some day face-to-face. When all was finally cleared and my printer was working again, it was time to say goodbye. “I’m having trouble saying goodbye,” she said. “Me, too,” I said. “Thank you for all you did for me and shared with me. You were wonderful.”
Will I ever talk with Samantha again? That would be unlikely for you know that when you call these companies, you are given a random agent, whoever is free at the time. But I am thankful for the time spent with Samantha. We had a very special connection.
Reach out to others. Despite distance and age and circumstances, we are all human. Thank you, Samantha. I enjoyed getting to know you. You made my day very special. In honour of you let me share your favourite Mary Oliver poem with others as you shared with me.
“When Death Comes.”
When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn; when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut; when death comes like the measle-pox;
when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering: what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending, as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something precious to the earth.
When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
“Holding hands is a reminder that we are never alone in this journey called life.” ~Unknown
From my book “10 — A Story of Love, Life, and Loss”:
“(The nurse) dropped the bedside rail, took my hand and put it in Tom’s hand. I was surprised because I had hesitated to touch him as earlier when he was conscious, he didn’t want to be touched . . .
Time kept passing and he was gasping, struggling to stay with us. My hand was beginning to go numb in his but I didn’t dare let go. He needed me . . . “.
” . . I said aloud, quietly and calmly, ‘Relax.’ I said it as much for myself as for him. ‘You will decide when you go and I will stay here with you, holding your hand. I’m not going anywhere. When you know it’s time to turn and face your new journey, my hand will be the last thing you feel as you leave. As you turn, you will go directly into God’s hand. You will not go alone.'”
Reach out to someone today. Give them a hand. And if you find yourself alone, I believe that we are never alone. Watch for the hand, even if it comes from another world.
Stop and smell the roses. An old cliche, but it still holds true. Too many of us get caught up in this busy world and lose focus of what is really important to us. I read a wonderful Facebook post by Canadian singer/songwriter Jann Arden this morning that made me look at my own rushed and busy life. Thank you, Jann, for reminding us to slow down. I, too, used to pride myself on hitting the floor running each morning. Now I stretch a little, think a little, say a little prayer, and slowly ease myself into a day. There are still days when I have to set that alarm and get going but, with retirement, those days are few.
I still get caught up with my daily to-do list but I am more reasonable to myself and prioritize activities throughout the day. I still need to chop away at those obligatory “I shoulds.” I get trapped in false measures of success and don’t always fill my cup with my own desires and wants first. I still need to learn to say “No” more often. I still need to re-structure my day so that I feel I have spent it doing worthwhile activities that have meaning to me.
Balance is a hard one for me; peace, joy, love, and a personal sense of accomplishment. That’s what I seek in my life. At the end of each day, I should ask myself, “Did I find moments of peace today? Did I find a burst of joy today? Did I share love today? Did I accomplish at least one of my goals today? I do pray at the end of each day for the world, for my loved ones, for others but I rarely say a prayer for myself. Let me learn to do that better. To know and love myself better.
Do you have a favourite comic strip? A hilarious comedy movie? A sure-to-make-me-laugh book to read?
I love the comic strip “Pickles” with its characters Earl and Opal. It always puts a smile on my face. My friend Harold and I share them. Mrs. Doubtfire, with the incredibly talented and funny Robin Williams, always makes me laugh and Stuart McLean and the Vinyl Cafe stories have me slapping my knees and laughing out loud. The first one I ever heard was on CBC radio and was called “Toilet Training the Cat.” I had tuned it on my car radio and ended up sitting in my car in the parking lot for another 5 minutes to catch the ending because I was laughing so hard I just had to finish it.
Another surefire way to get you laughing is to catch some Internet videos of giggling babies. That’s one of my quickest ways to get an instant smirk. Laughter is contagious. I hope you find some today. What are some of your surefire ways to get a good laugh?
I was at a family Christmas event yesterday and I was telling my nephew about my busy life and how I feel overwhelmed at times. He said, “Aunt Barb, you are retired and have nothing but time to do exactly what you want and use your time for the things you really want to do. You are making choices to keep busy and overwhelmed. You don’t have to do that.”
He’s right. I need to zone in to my inner heart and prioritize my needs and wants. I need to “listen to the whispers of my soul.” Especially in this holiday season of shopping, baking, partying, and feasting.
Enjoy the holiday season but give your energy to those things that are truly important to you and not just expected by others. Give because it fulfills you to give, not because you feel obligated. And remember, there are many ways to give. Time is a gift. A Christmas card is a gift. A plate of cookies is a gift.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays to all.
What a summer it has been. COVID restrictions were lifted and the world went a little crazy. We all jumped into our new found freedom like lambs let loose into a spring pasture. Everything that had been cancelled for up to three years during the pandemic was suddenly happening and I didn’t want to miss a thing.
It was a whirlwind of travel, concerts, visits, day trips, and events. At times it felt a little busy with the constant packing and unpacking, driving, and crowds but I kept going as I knew it would be short-lived. Summers are short in our part of the country. Fall comes way too soon. It wasn’t just me. It seemed my friends and family all had that condition known as FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and plans were made for constant activity throughout the summer.
I have hardly been home since June. The month started with the Orangeville Jazz & Blues Festival, the Writers’ Festival at Wellington County Museum, an Ed Sheeran concert in Toronto, and my Photo Club Picnic at a local park. It ended with a week-long trip to a beautiful resort in Vermont with some of my family.
My Writers’ Club continued to meet every Thursday and we had a barbecue at one of our homes early July. My family went camping at Killbear Provincial Park and we joined them for a couple of days and took in the 30,000 Island Boat Tour. My friend and I attended the Weiner Dog Races at Grand River Raceway in Elora. Such fun and so many laughs! We went to the Orangeville Rib Festival and I spent 5 days camping and volunteering at the Hillside Music Festival with my family. I also drove a total of five hours so I could attend my granddaughter’s first birthday party.
In August, I had a ½ day turnaround to get ready for 9 days of house-sitting at my brother’s lakeside home up in Bancroft (it was SO relaxing), followed by a few days to cut my lawn, pull some weeds, attend a meteor shower party with friends and then head out to Cape Croker for 5 days of camping and a traditional powwow. I visited friends who live in Lion’s Head, went Nia dancing on a local beach, and visited a local gallery The Art Shoppe as well as a local artist’s studio. I managed to have some time with another friend and we went to a sunflower farm in Ariss, the Kitchener Blues Festival, the movie Barbie, and the Guelph Ribfest.
It’s now Labour Day weekend, the traditional end of summer and I finish the summer off with my grandkids and friend at the Orangeville Fall Fair. Whew! It makes me tired just writing about it all. My grandson hopes we will get some fishing in too.
I really thought things would start to slow down in September. In fact, I was looking forward to it. My poor garden is alive thanks to all the rain we had this summer but it sure wouldn’t win any prizes and I haven’t written anything new for my upcoming book in the last three months. It’s wonderful that my summer has been so full of fun activities but after the isolation and quiet of the past three years, the constant activity has felt a little overwhelming at times.
September is already starting to fill up. I have four lunches and a dinner planned with family and friends, two theatre events, a short overnight get-away, and a three-day stay with family to help out with my new granddaughter. There’s a photo club field trip and lunch on the books and a local festival with family. Things do not seem to be slowing down.
I sound like I’m complaining. I’m not. I’m very grateful for my family, my friends, my health, and the opportunities to do so much. Life is full. I just wish the cup would empty once in a while before it gets topped-up so quickly. Perhaps I can start sipping at it instead of chugging it down. It’s all a matter of choices and control, isn’t it? It wouldn’t hurt to miss out on a few things and start prioritizing my daily activities and find some restful time to slow down and contemplate life once again. I relish that. Maybe it’ll happen in October.
I am presently taking a genealogy course to trace my family line. Yesterday we registered with Ancestry.ca and I have begun creating my family tree.
I quickly realized that it seems to be set up for direct blood lines. My family is not that simple. My father passed away when I was 7 years old, mom remarried, and my new dad legally adopted us and, within a few years, I had two new brothers, one passed, one still alive.
My mother and new dad divorced years later and Dad remarried. I now have a whole new family of sisters and a brother, nieces and nephews. Later, I divorced and remarried and, once again, the family expanded.
Doing my family tree, I have asked myself “Who counts as family?” Even though we may not be related through direct blood lineage, my new family members are truly family to me.
From Familyhistorydaily.com – “In our daily lives, family often has less to do with biological or legal connections and more to do with personal relationships. Those people who are intimate parts of our lives, who we love and care for, who care for us, are our family. What makes a mother, father, sibling, child, grandchild is seldom straightforward.”
I’m hoping as I delve further into my family tree that there will be options to break out into all directions. For after all, family are tied together with far more than just blood and DNA. Love and commitment are binding glue that hold us together throughout our lives.
