Category: Life Lessons

A Bad Day

“Was it a bad day?

  Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?”

~Unknown

We all have bad days. My new year has not started out well. I was sick as I stepped into the first week of January, then I took my car in for a winter tire exchange only to find I needed a full brake job that cost me $1800+. My right knee, which has bothered me for years, is the worst it’s ever been, and I have started physiotherapy twice a week to try and resolve that and avoid surgery if I can.

I can look at the flip side of all these problems. Being sick stopped me in my tracks of a life that I notoriously fill to the brim with activity. I was quiet, read books, watched movies, wrote friendly e-mails, and had ample amounts of time to think about my life and my future.

We know that cars cost money. They are not an investment that keeps growing. I can rest assured that my brakes and emergency brake are now set for many years of use with no problems.

Although my physiotherapy is not easy, I have found an exercise program that works! This is my third time investing in the GLA:D program for those with identified osteoarthritis in knees or hips over several years. I attend bi-weekly and look forward to getting stronger with each session. And if it doesn’t, then I will look at surgery. I am thankful that I haven’t had to do that yet.

So, when people ask how are you, I don’t focus on my lousy beginning to my year. I say, I’m feeling great now, thank you. My car got fixed and I got extra visits in with my daughter and family as they helped me out by lending me their car over five days. Bonus! I have started my physiotherapy and I am confident that I will get stronger as the weeks pass. How lucky I am that I have access to such a program with my benefit package.

Yes, the year started out badly but it also had many benefits. I could dwell on the negatives and make myself miserable and probably all those around me as I complain constantly. Or, I could say, yay, I got through that and I move forward with expectations of good things happening. I choose what I focus on. I choose to find the positives out of negative situations and live my life with hope and gratitude. We all can do that. Choose to be happy.

Don’t Be Afraid to Dream

We all have dreams, but do we have the courage to live those dreams?

I remember a friend telling me she was too fearful to ask for love in her life because she was so afraid that if she got it, it would be ripped out of her life like a tablecloth being ripped off a table pulling all the fancy china with it. She was so afraid of achieving her dream because she was already anticipating the pain of losing it.

I told her that maybe, just maybe, the dishes will remain solidly on the table. That’s what makes it “the magical tablecloth trick.” If we never take the gamble, we will never get to experience the joy of living our dreams.

It doesn’t matter what the dream is. Maybe you desire a fancy car but won’t get it because you’re afraid it will get scratched in the parking lot or stolen. Perhaps you desire a child but can’t stomach the thought of losing that child while they are still young.  Or maybe you have a dream to travel but won’t because you’re afraid you’ll get pick-pocketed or catch some horrible disease if you do. Maybe you want a better job, but you don’t believe you’re capable of handling it.

Just dream. And start stepping towards the fulfillment of that dream. Believing it will come true and all will be well takes courage as well as an acceptance that it might not. But how will I ever know unless I take those first steps and begin the journey?

A New Book – For the Love of Food: Family Edition

For the Love of Food: Family Edition is a collection of stories and recipes praising food as a language of love through five generations of the author’s family. This memoir/cookbook is a testament to the life-giving power of food as it moves from field to table with gratitude, bonding, and celebration.

It’s a book for readers who love to cook, and cooks who love to read. Reminisce about your own mealtime memories and be inspired. Get into the kitchen and start cooking!

“This book is a beautiful reminder of how food can be a powerful vessel for preserving and sharing our most treasured family moments.””
~Amy McIntyre, Wine Educator, European Travel Planner

“A feast of joyful cooking.”
~Donna McCaw, Author, Across the Great Divide and It’s Your Time

“As she takes you down memory lane, she whets your taste buds. You’ll find yourself in the kitchen cooking up a storm immersed in your own memories.”
~Ruth Smith Meyer, Author, Out of the Ordinary and Chains of Shame

“Barbara Heagy has created a cozy, comforting read that stimulates your appetite and makes you want to get into your own kitchen and start cooking.”
~Wendy Jamieson, Chef, Restaurateur (Forage Restaurant)

“Her passion and love of food is apparent as she shares recipes and stories from her own life. Although not a professional chef, she honours food with a diverse palate and a plethora of fresh ingredients.”
~Matthew Bach Jamieson, Head Chef and Restaurateur (Mad Apples, Woodside, Forage Restaurants)

Paperback copies are available through Amazon.ca, hardcover copies through Amazon.com, or through an email message at barb_mcquarrie@hotmail.com

I’m Unraveling

I felt I hit my peak at age 50. Truly the top of the mountain. Wonderful things were happening in my life; love, career, health, opportunity but I could see the downward slope of my life in my future as I aged. One could call it a crisis. But I like Brene Brown’s take on it. It’s an unraveling. Now in the autumn of my life, I know my days here on this planet grow shorter but because of that I am less inclined to waste them. I want to enjoy every day, take on new challenges, breathe in new experiences, be who I want to be, not who others want me to be. Life is precious. Live it. Live it fully. Right to the end. BH

“People may call what happens at midlife “a crisis”.

But it’s not.

It’s an unraveling . . .

a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live not the one you’re supposed to live.

The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be

And to embrace who you are.”

~Brene Brown

Same Behaviour, Same Results

I had a dream last night and in my dream, I was part of a team of women who were working on some new creative project together. We were, however, running into obstacles and difficulties and things just weren’t gelling. In my dream, I ran into the room where these women were all seated and I exclaimed to them, “We can’t just keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results. We need to do something different!”

I am a firm believer in psychiatrist Carl Jung’s belief that dreams reflect the inner psyche, the unconscious mind. They are not just random thoughts or fantasies. By examining our dreams, we can explore the symbols and archetypes offered by the images to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I awoke. The first thought in my mind was, I need to re-examine my life and think about it a little deeper. My dream, I believe, offered an important message to me. Now my next step is to let that little seed of advice guide me as to what needs to be changed in my life and decide how I am going to change it.

Do you believe that dreams are a reflection of our inner selves and can offer us new insights into our personal lives? I would love to hear about dreams that you feel have been significant and life-changing for you. BH

On Order and Chaos in the Garden

“The best gardens are a perfect balance of order and chaos. The tension created by the threatened balance is the pulse of the garden itself.”
~Helen Humphreys

Yesterday everything aligned so that I could eat my breakfast out on the back deck; the last word had been put in my book, there was nothing on the calendar, the rains had stopped, the sun was shining, and the temperature was perfect.

Sipping my morning coffee, I viewed my wild jungle of a garden that has continued to grow in spite of my busyness and neglect. Still there were pockets of beauty. I apologetically took a video as I walked through my overgrown garden and then shared it with friends. Not one of them saw a mess. Where I could only see weeds, they saw flowers. And many of the weeds had flowered themselves and were full of hungry bees and butterflies as they danced among the blossoms.

I began to see that there is a natural force in flowers and plants that will seek growth and new life wherever they are planted and in all conditions. Even with less care, and perhaps because of my dwindled care, they grew. And not only grew but thrived. Like a helicopter parent that constantly hovers over their children, planning, constructing, manipulating, we can be over zealous in our efforts to be good parents and gardeners. The flowers themselves know what they need and seek it. Do some weeding, clear the paths, provide the elements they need to grow; some water, sun, but don’t overdo it. Plants have a natural inherent knowledge within them and they will find a way. I pull out the “bullies,” those weeds that seek to dominate but leave some behind for even in them there is a natural grace and beauty.

Thank you garden, for continuing to grow, for continuing to teach me lessons.

Thank you, Samantha

Yesterday I spent several hours trying to work out my printer problems. I finally gave up and called the company HP Smart for technical support. The technician who I was hooked up with was called Samantha. Now, normally these calls can be hours long (which it was) and can be full of frustration and annoyance (which it wasn’t).

Because a variety of attempts to clear up my problem were needed, we both acknowledged that this was going to take a long time and some of the downloading processes were going to be very slow. We both settled in for the long haul.

For the next two or three hours, Samantha and I worked together to try and solve my problems. Meanwhile, we got to know each other as two human people with much in common. Even though we were separated by half a world (she was in India, I was in Canada), she seemed much younger than me (that’s an assumption), and we were two complete strangers, we connected.

She initiated the conversation and we quickly found out that we both had a love of writing, I a published author/a memoirist and she a daily journal writer and poet. We shared our losses in life of those close to us, including our beloved pets. We told stories about our loved ones. We shared our favourite poets and some of their work. We both love Mary Oliver. We laughed and cried and found common ground in our zest for life.

Slowly she helped me work out my printer problem and slowly we go to know each other as new friends. We both acknowledged that wouldn’t it be wonderful if we should meet some day face-to-face. When all was finally cleared and my printer was working again, it was time to say goodbye. “I’m having trouble saying goodbye,” she said. “Me, too,” I said. “Thank you for all you did for me and shared with me. You were wonderful.”

Will I ever talk with Samantha again? That would be unlikely for you know that when you call these companies, you are given a random agent, whoever is free at the time. But I am thankful for the time spent with Samantha. We had a very special connection.

Reach out to others. Despite distance and age and circumstances, we are all human. Thank you, Samantha. I enjoyed getting to know you. You made my day very special. In honour of you let me share your favourite Mary Oliver poem with others as you shared with me.

“When Death Comes.”

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

—Mary Oliver

Held Hands

“Holding hands is a reminder that we are never alone in this journey called life.”
~Unknown

From my book “10 — A Story of Love, Life, and Loss”:

“(The nurse) dropped the bedside rail, took my hand and put it in Tom’s hand. I was surprised because I had hesitated to touch him as earlier when he was conscious, he didn’t want to be touched . . .

Time kept passing and he was gasping, struggling to stay with us. My hand was beginning to go numb in his but I didn’t dare let go. He needed me . . . “.

” . . I said aloud, quietly and calmly, ‘Relax.’ I said it as much for myself as for him. ‘You will decide when you go and I will stay here with you, holding your hand. I’m not going anywhere. When you know it’s time to turn and face your new journey, my hand will be the last thing you feel as you leave. As you turn, you will go directly into God’s hand. You will not go alone.'”

Reach out to someone today. Give them a hand. And if you find yourself alone, I believe that we are never alone. Watch for the hand, even if it comes from another world.

(Embroidered Hands on Tulle by Kathrin Marchenko)

Stop and Smell the Roses

Stop and smell the roses. An old cliche, but it still holds true. Too many of us get caught up in this busy world and lose focus of what is really important to us. I read a wonderful Facebook post by Canadian singer/songwriter Jann Arden this morning that made me look at my own rushed and busy life. Thank you, Jann, for reminding us to slow down. I, too, used to pride myself on hitting the floor running each morning. Now I stretch a little, think a little, say a little prayer, and slowly ease myself into a day. There are still days when I have to set that alarm and get going but, with retirement, those days are few.

I still get caught up with my daily to-do list but I am more reasonable to myself and prioritize activities throughout the day. I still need to chop away at those obligatory “I shoulds.” I get trapped in false measures of success and don’t always fill my cup with my own desires and wants first. I still need to learn to say “No” more often. I still need to re-structure my day so that I feel I have spent it doing worthwhile activities that have meaning to me.

Balance is a hard one for me; peace, joy, love, and a personal sense of accomplishment. That’s what I seek in my life. At the end of each day, I should ask myself, “Did I find moments of peace today? Did I find a burst of joy today? Did I share love today? Did I accomplish at least one of my goals today? I do pray at the end of each day for the world, for my loved ones, for others but I rarely say a prayer for myself. Let me learn to do that better. To know and love myself better.

What Makes You Laugh?

Do you have a favourite comic strip? A hilarious comedy movie? A sure-to-make-me-laugh book to read?

I love the comic strip “Pickles” with its characters Earl and Opal. It always puts a smile on my face. My friend Harold and I share them. Mrs. Doubtfire, with the incredibly talented and funny Robin Williams, always makes me laugh and Stuart McLean and the Vinyl Cafe stories have me slapping my knees and laughing out loud. The first one I ever heard was on CBC radio and was called “Toilet Training the Cat.” I had tuned it on my car radio and ended up sitting in my car in the parking lot for another 5 minutes to catch the ending because I was laughing so hard I just had to finish it.

Another surefire way to get you laughing is to catch some Internet videos of giggling babies. That’s one of my quickest ways to get an instant smirk. Laughter is contagious. I hope you find some today. What are some of your surefire ways to get a good laugh?