barbaraheagy10@gmail.com – Page 8

I Am From

As an introduction to each other at our recent Rhythmwood Soul Journey, Wendy Roman asked us to write a poem about ourselves from a basic form called “I Am From . . . “. All we had to do was fill in the blanks as we reminisced about our past and contemplated all the people and events that had formed who we are today. Here is my poem. What would your poem be?

I Am From by Barbara Heagy

I am from country farms,
From czardas and paprikash.

I am from grandma’s warm lap
like sheltering laughter.

I am from lilacs, fresh mown hay,
and bubbling creeks.

I am from hippies and hash,
From cool northern lakes and jumping fish.

I am from journals and contemplations,
From words and books and songs.

I am from breath and moving bodies.

I am from spiritual journeys danced in prayers,
laced with pain and grace.

I am from daughters to grandsons.

I am from love –
assured and unconditional.

I Have No Words – A Journey of the Soul

This past week I went on a retreat called Rhythmwood Soul Journey, led by Wendy Roman of Rhythmwood Dance Studio. For eight weeks before our retreat where we met in person, we had online assignments using poetry, journal writing, conscious dance and shared online conferences to introduce us to each other and prepare us with some basic movement principles and ideas for contemplation and discussion.

In the studio, Wendy used daily readings, journal writing, conscious dance, meditation, nature experiences and art to take us on a further soul journey of the feminine spirit.

On the last day of our wonderful week, I sat quietly and thought about how I would explain the past week to my friends and family. It was such a deep and meaningful experience that I truly had no words. But I put my pen to paper, and let the words just flow. This poem is what came out.

I HAVE NO WORDS

I have no words.

How do you explain this feeling of wholeness, connectedness, fulfilment to another?

How do you explain a journey of the soul where I, you, us, become equally important and valuable to the woven web?

How do you explain a creation of the spirit that fills and overflows through me, to you, to earth, to sky, to water, to fire and beyond?

How do you speak of the gentle care, the kindness, the deep felt gratitude for who I am, and who I become with you, and you, and you?

How do I explain the fire within, the fire without, the consuming fire that refines and invites you to new beginnings?

How do I explain the magic of dancing with another, where the flow between us becomes liquid energy that uplifts, intertwines, and releases the ‘me’ to become the ‘us’?

How do I explain the wonder of waves rushing to shore, the birds rising through song, the sky on fire, our very souls on fire?

How do I explain the specialness, the uniqueness of another? Through vulnerability and laughter and tears, and strength and weakness, through words and song and dance and art, a new creation was born.

How do I explain all this?

There are no words.

Wendy Roman is a gifted teacher and I would recommend taking a workshop or retreat with her in the future. Check out her website at www.rhythmwood.ca

To My Gr. 1’s – Class of 2010-11

To my Gr. 1 student,

Tonight, you my student from my Gr. 1 class of 2010-11 graduate from elementary school. Next September 2018 you head on to high school. I wanted to be there to watch you accept your diploma. I wanted you to know that you and your classmates are a very special class to me. You were with me through the final stages of my husband Tom’s cancer journey and you and your family were in my life when he passed away December 11, 2010. Your kindness and support at that difficult time meant so much to me.

I wrote a book called 10 – A Story of Love, Life, and Loss about my life with my husband and our final days. Did you know that you and your classmates are in my book? Here are some excerpts from the book to show you how much you all meant to me.

I love, love, love my little class this year . . . I have been very open about Tom
and his cancer, and they regularly make cards and letters for both of us, telling
us how much they love us and how they are really hoping Tom feels better.
It’s a regular little Love Fest’. They are so cute!

We made some wonderful memories together and you brightened my days at some of my darkest hours.

My class went to Puck’s Farm, over near Schomberg, last week with the other
Gr. 1 class, and we had a fabulous day! The weather was sunny with a blue sky.
It was cool but not cold, and the kids and adults had a ball. We were rotated
through ten different centres of activity which included pony rides for every kid,
a hay wagon ride led by two big old horses, a tour through the barn to see the
pigs, chickens, sheep, horses, donkeys and geese, a cedar maze . . . , another maze
made on a hill made of sorghum grass which grows up to 12 feet, and a tour through the apple orchard where we picked and ate to our heart’s content while sitting under the old apple trees which were spray-free. There was a little carnival area with a jumping castle and a tiny Ferris wheel, and we each got to try our hand at milking the very patient and well-behaved cow. It wasn’t as easy as it looked.
The cow was not very pleased with me as I tried and tried to get milk squirting,
(she kept looking over her shoulder at me, but I finally did it). Every kid went home
with a pumpkin and a smile.

In November and December, we made more memories.

My Christmas spirit is starting to kick in. It has to when you teach small children.
We made our first Christmas craft in the classroom, pizza boxes cut into wreaths
decorated with tissue paper puffs and crepe paper ribbons. You can still smell
the cheese and pepperoni on the box, but it is our attempt at reusing cardboard
in a creative and environmental way. Mmmmm, our wreaths smell good! I also
got handed the script for the Christmas play with the music so we have already
started to listen to it and are getting ready for rehearsals which start next week.
We finally finished our last writing project we were doing as a whole school on
the theme of ‘Courage’. The last project was writing a letter to someone we felt
had demonstrated courage. My Grade Ones wrote to soldiers, fire fighters, and
to Terry Fox’s Mom, Dad and family. Some wrote to their own sisters, brothers,
moms, dads, and grandparents. One little boy wrote to a Special Needs kid I
had in my class last year whose life daily hangs on a thread.

So, you see, your love and support as a small child was very important to me. Kindness, at any age, is a gift of love no matter who is offering it or who is receiving it. I hope you remember to be kind to others as you go on to high school and become an adult. Knowledge is important but care for your world whether it be a person, an animal, or nature is more important.

My best wishes for you as you go on to new adventures. Keep learning, keep being curious, keep being open to the world. I believe in you. Most of all, keep believing in yourself. You can do anything you set your heart to.

Warmly,

Mrs. Barbara Heagy
Gr. 1 Teacher, 2010-11

Congratulations on Word Award Nomination at The Word Guild Gala 2018

Well, the Good Grief People authors didn’t win the top prize last night at The Word Guild Word Awards Gala (we missed you, Alan) but we had a wonderful time meeting other authors and writers and hearing snippets of quality literature. We are proud to be declared a finalist in our category. One of our group did win a top award – congratulations to Glynis M. Belec for her win last night for her short script.

It was very special to have the group of us together. We got to know each other so well in the writing of our book and, even though we live in six different cities across Canada, we saw quite a bit of each other. To get us all together in one spot is a rarity and, therefore, I appreciated it all the more.

Just a couple of hours before I left for the gala, my phone rang. It was a woman from a funeral home in the area that had bought six of our books a year ago from me. If we need any more affirmation of the good things our book is doing for others on their grief paths, I got it. She raved about our book and ordered ten more Good Grief People books.

She told me they can’t keep the books on the shelf because people are finding it so helpful. She herself has found it to be so beneficial in understanding her own grief journey. She says it’s the perfect book in that it is not a ‘how-to’ book because those who are grieving already have enough on their plate without worrying whether they’re grieving properly or not. The short stories and poems are perfect for little snippets of comfort and hope given in small doses when needed.

I told her I was just getting ready to attend The Word Guild banquet today and that the book was short-listed for an award across Canada and she said she was not surprised.

It was wonderful to get such positive feedback. It was like getting an award. Thank you my Good Grief People author friends. We did it together.

Copies of Good Grief People can be ordered by messaging Barbara Heagy at barbaraheagy10@gmail.com or through local bookstores and retail outlets (The Bookshelf, Guelph; BookLore, Orangeville; Spa Wellness by Tamara, Guelph) or online at amazon.ca. They can also be ordered from any of the authors or through Angel House Publishing.

A Balancing Act

Have you ever watched someone actually creating those wonderful balanced rock structures? You know the ones where they take a small stone and magically, or so it seems, balance another bigger rock on top of it, and then another, and another, until they hold together in one big delicate balance. They amaze me. I’ve tried it myself to no avail. I can’t even get two stones to balance, nevertheless, three, four or more.

This morning, catching up on my morning Facebook, I came across a friend’s posting of one of these incredible rock artists. I learned something watching the video, something I had never noticed before.

I’ve always thought that the structure was built one stone at a time, fully balancing the first one before the second, and then the third was added. But I noticed that the artist didn’t build them one at a time, fully balancing one before he balanced the others. He worked with the group, holding them together with his hands, as he built. If he let go too soon, before the final stone was put in place, the whole structure would fall. If he kept the group together long enough by holding them all with his hands, the final stone was often the one that put enough pressure on them all to hold the whole structure together. Each stone didn’t stand alone. Each one was necessary and stood on the shoulders of the one above it simultaneously. The stones worked together, at the same time, to find that precarious balance.

That in itself can be a lesson in life. We think we have to move step-by-step, fully balancing one factor in our lives before we move on to the next when, in reality, we need to include all the elements, holding them together long enough until we can put the final factor in place to bring it all together as a balanced whole.

When we feel that we have to fully achieve one thing before we can move on to the next, this separation of the elements can hurt us. It leads to perfectionism which tends to stifle us, sometimes stopping us in our tracks in our intended progress. If we can’t even get one thing fully working in our lives, we feel we are not ready to move on to the next area of expertise and drop it all together. We give up and refuse to take the challenge. We never feel ready or capable or good enough. It can lead to poor self-esteem.

In reality, we often are balancing many components, multi-tasking, learning as we go, pulling the elements together in a jumble of ideas, until the final conclusion hits us full in the face. Or doesn’t. Sometimes we pull it off but the final structure is held in precarious balance, ready to fall at the slightest outside force. But so what? At least by trying to build something, refusing to give up, believing that more than one factor is at work in our lives at a time, we learn from our mistakes, and continue to move forward.

Years ago, I studied modern dance while getting my first undergraduate degree. After four years of study, I left and went travelling. When I got back, I went and visited my former professor of dance. She told me about a local recreation department that was looking for a teacher to lead a creative movement class for children. I told my teacher there was no way I felt ready to teach anybody about dance. What did I know? She assured me I did know enough, so I gathered up my courage and applied for the job. It was the beginning of a career in dance for me, both teaching and performing.

While at the same university, I met a woman in my dance class who was really just starting out in dance. She had been brought up in a very strict religious family, where dancing was not allowed. She couldn’t even skip properly at the first class. That didn’t stop her from teaching her Inter-Varsity social group everything she learned. Day by day, she learned something, and day-by-day, she took what she learned and taught it to others. Her confidence in herself amazed me. She didn’t feel she had to be fully accomplished to offer her skills to others. She was of the Maya Angelou philosophy, “When you learn, teach. When you get, give.”

The world is a busy, multi-factored, jumble of ideas and experiences. Don’t be afraid to pick up many of them and fearlessly start building your life. It’s all a balance. Make yours beautiful.

The Power of Telling Our Stories

Last night I attended the ‘Evening of Sharing – The Power of Telling Our Stories’ organized by Lisa Browning, One Thousand Trees Publications. The three speakers inspired me deeply with their unique life stories. They went beyond themselves and shared generously details of their lives from dealing with the death of a loved one, to writing our own stories instead of living through others, and mental illness and depression.

Margaret-Ann Brix shared her children’s story “Grampa’s Butterfly”, Melinda Burns, psychotherapist/writer/poet shared the importance of finding our true selves through writing and journaling, and Clay Williams spoke of his inspirational long distance runs for charity, specifically depression and mood disorders.

I bought Margaret’s book to share with my grandchildren and found her story to be a delightful metaphor on life and death.

Melinda began with a short meditation that focused and centered us. Her lesson was about mindfulness, being our true selves in the present moment. We can learn about ourselves by writing down our thoughts and feelings. She spoke of the difference between thinking, writing, and telling our stories. Writing is that safe space between thinking and telling, where we can record our thoughts and feelings in a safe space with no judgement from others.

Clay encouraged us to sign the Canadian flag that he carries with him when he runs in remembrance of someone we know who suffers with mental illness. “I would be honoured to run in their name,” he said. My signature joined hundreds of others to uplift those in my life that I care and pray for.

Thank you to all three speakers and to Lisa for organizing this special evening. Lisa holds “Evenings of Sharing” every month, each on a different theme. You can check them out at her website www.onethousandtrees.com.

Stormy Weather

I left my home yesterday at 4 p.m. in a torrential downpour, but it stopped and the sky turned blue again, so I continued on to my dinner party two hours away. Whew!!!! It was one of the craziest drives I have ever done. The wind was wild, whipping in gusts that could do serious damage. Four times I had to pull over and stop for screaming sirens from service vehicles passing. In the middle of it all, I thought “Why am I out here? I’m only going to a dinner party.” But, I persevered.

I saw whole huge 30 foot trees snapped in half and power lines leaning in downtown areas, road signs were spinning on their poles, 4 X 4 signs were ripped out of the ground, trees and branches were coming down the whole way, hydro lines were snapping, jumping, and twirling in the wind. I saw a car with its windshield smashed out from a flying tree and thick dust storms roaring across fields.

By the time I made it to my friend’s home in the country, I thought all was good. Their road was the worst. I had to drive around fallen branches and then, just before their driveway, a whole tree lay across the road and blocked my path. A fallen hydro wire was laying parallel to the road and I only saw it because I turned around and then noticed it. I did get to their home but had to go around a country block to get there.

By the time I left at 9 p.m. things had settled down but there were still fallen trees and power blackouts in several areas for the half-hour drive to my daughter’s where I stayed for the night. Crazy!!

I got through it. How? I kept both hands on the wheel, stayed alert to my surroundings, kept a calculated pace, slowing when I needed to, quickening up when it seemed necessary, and I kept to the main and less treeless roads and highways. Lots of luck and a good dose of prayer got me safely to my destination.

It was kind of like navigating the storms of life. We all will face them. All we can do is stay calm, keep thinking, face each moment as it comes and, for the things we can’t control, pray. I wish you well on the storms of your journey. Stay strong.

NOLA Jazz Music and Life Lessons

NOLA Jazz Music and Life Lessons – April 28, 2018

This month I visited the renowned city of New Orleans, the birthplace of jazz music. We stayed close to the French Quarter and had many opportunities every day to hear jazz music in a variety of venues – the street, small pubs, the beautiful Orpheum Theatre, aboard the Steamboat Natchez, and the night clubs of Frenchman Street. I’ve been to several jazz events and festivals in my life but, for some reason, the New Orleans musicians made me see my life differently. The way they related to each other as they played, their culture, their spirit, all spoke to me. It seemed there were some unspoken rules while playing that could be good examples for living a balanced, kind, and joyful life for us all.

Thank you, New Orleans musicians. This is what you taught me.

Live in the moment. Catch the groove and ride it.
Be creative. Look for the magic and let it happen.
Be generous. Offer your best. Give it your all.
Take turns. Share the glory. Give everyone a chance to shine.
Be authentic. Be real. Be you, for you are special.

And, above all,

Have fun.

Life is a celebration. Throw yourself into it and share your joy with others.

20 Pointers for Raising Children (or Were They Raising Me?)

Over a period of six years, I brought three lovely daughters into the world. Like any new mom, I was excited but nervous, unsure of most things, questioning all and fumbling my way along. Is there a sure-fire way to ensure we raise our children well? Probably not. But somehow, in the big muddling mess of raising them, my daughters did grow into strong, independent, loving, contributing women, making their own way in the world. Looking back, these were some of the things I managed to do right.

1. Talk, talk, talk. Listen, listen, listen.

Right from the beginning, (and that includes the baby years, the toddler years, the youngster years, those terrible teen years), I would talk with my children about anything and everything. No topic was off limits. Sometimes I heard things I didn’t want to hear, but at least they knew they could always come to me and share their thoughts and their lives. And that meant receiving what they had to say, judgement-free. Lower those eyebrows, bite your tongue, and stay open-minded.

2. Respect

That little crying baby is crying for a reason. It’s the only way he can tell you how he feels. That little 2-year old with her repeated questions, “Why? Why? Why?” is trying to figure out the world and her place in it. Children are little people, growing and changing, and making their way in the world, just like you and I. Respect each stage of development. It’s who they really are at the moment.

3. Be reasonable. Both of you.

Is it really necessary that your little one eat every single bite of that spinach? No, not every time. Is it really necessary that he get to bed at a reasonable bedtime? Yes, otherwise you have one grumpy kid on your hands the next day. Pick your battles. You don’t have to win them all.

4. Learn the Art of Negotiation

“Mom, can I stay out till midnight?”

“No, I want you home by 10:00.”

“Aw. 11:30?

“9:30.”

“11?”

“9:00.”

“10:30?”

“8:30.”

“Fine. I’ll be home by 10.”

5. “Some” is good enough

“Mom, I don’t want to eat my squash.”

“Okay. You don’t have to eat it all. But I want you to eat two big teaspoons of it. That’s all.”

“There you go. You did one. One left. That’s all.”

“You did it! Good for you.”

Any kid can get through anything if it’s in small enough bites.

And that refers to everything, not just eating your supper.

6. “I will help you.”

A big job that seems overwhelming can be made simpler with helping hands. Teamwork is valued even in our adult world.

7. Play, Laugh, Be Silly

Be a kid yourself. We’re never too old to play.

8. It’s all about the journey.

Life is a process, not a product. Enjoy the process of any activity. Don’t just focus on the final product or goal.

9. Be a good example

It’s not a good idea to tell your teenager that they shouldn’t smoke while you’re standing there with a cigarette in your hand. “Do as I say, not as I do” is probably not the best way to raise your child. Be a good role model, yourself.

Challenge your child. Within reason. (Remember #3)

Push gently. Help only as needed. Guide to correct answers.

Praise the accomplishments no matter how small.

During an Easter Egg Hunt, my little 2-year old was really having a difficult time finding that last egg. While her back was turned I dropped it to eye level. She still missed it. Next time her back was turned I dropped it right out in the open, so she couldn’t miss it. Then we praised her to the hills when she announced, “Yay! I found it!”

Balance. Life is a balancing act.

Mind, body, spirit. Work, play, eat, learn, talk, pray as a family.

Celebrate

Celebrate the small stuff. Be generous in your approach to life.

Birthdays and holidays are important, but so is the last day of school, the dog learned to sit up and “I got a goal!”

I teach you. You teach me.

Recognize that your children can teach you as much as you can teach them. Life is a constant road of discovery. For both of you.

Challenge yourself. Always do your best. Know your limits.

It’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s okay to fail.

It’s okay to make mistakes. They lead to what’s right.

Unconditional Love

Be open-minded. Accepting. Non-judgemental.

Unconditional love is yours no matter what you do.

It’s a free and tightly-bound contract between you and I.

“I’ll love you forever.

I’ll like you for always.

As long as I’m living,

My baby you’ll be.”

Robert Munsch

Live large.

“Live well, laugh often, love much.”

Share your wealth and talents with a generous spirit.

Be positive. Live optimistically.
Resilient people are survivors.

Be brave. Have courage. Turn and face the lions. You’ll find they’re not half as scary as you thought they were when you look them in the eye. Roll with the punches. Take baby steps. You will get through this. No matter how bad it seems “This, too, shall pass.”

Detach

Know that we each have our own journey, our own lives to create. I, as your parent, can be there for you, but I am only a cheerleader watching you run your own race.

You are not a reflection of me. You don’t have to please me to feel that you have made it. And, vice versa, I have not failed you, if you fail.

Just remember, I will always love you in spite of whether you win, lose, fail or achieve in life.

It’s not about you. It’s about them.

We all need a place to shine, to find a glory that is our own.

The world is a generous place of opportunity. There is enough to go around for all of us. Give your child opportunities to shine, even if they’re not that good. You never know what they will become.

In conclusion, even when we think our children have fallen away, be strong as a parent, be patient, be there for them whenever the opportunity arises, love them unconditionally. That tattooed, punctured, wild-haired, mouthy teenager will return to the real world and come out the other side sooner or later. Life will continue to teach them even after they have left the nest. Be the rock that they can return to over and over again in their life journeys.

Good luck. Parenting won’t be easy but it sure will be worth it!

10 Rules of Writing

A Facebook page that I belong to, Angel Hope Publishing, with Glynis M. Belec, had us consider an article she posted titled “10 Rules of Writing.” A blog entry by www.litrejections.com listed famous authors’ writing tips in a 10 point list form. It certainly showed the reader what kind of writer each author was and the value they put on their work. Many of them showed a great sense of humour. It really got me thinking about what I would put on my list if I made one. Here’s mine.

10 Rules of Writing

Consider your reading audience.

Always see your writing from the reader’s point-of-view. Your writing has to make sense. You have to feed them the story in an orderly fashion. Don’t assume they know what’s in your head.

Grammar and spelling are important but not always that important.

Consider the purpose of your writing and the audience. Is this just a quick note on social media or is this a published work that will be used for research or sold on a shelf and will be a valued piece of writing?

Write every day.

No matter how little. You learn to write by writing.

Write with spontaneity and flow.

Put your pen or pencil to the paper or your fingers to the keyboard and let that first draft just flow out of you without much conscious thought and little or no editing. There will be time for that later.

Show, don’t tell.

Good writers don’t just say, “She was happy.” They say, “Her lips curved into a slow smile, her eyes crinkled at the corners. A dimple began to form on her cheek.” Write using your senses, use descriptive words and phrases to paint a picture for the reader.

Use an editor before final publication.

A good editor, who gets you, will add rich feedback and a reader’s perspective on your writing. They will hone and refine your work. Your writing will be improved. There are many levels to editing from developmental to copy editing and they all must be covered before publication.

Read, read, read.

You learn from reading other authors’ works. They will inspire you and teach you by example.

Join a Writer’s Group.

Writing is such a solitary activity and you will find other writers will provide you with a living community for feedback, encouragement and ideas.

Input ideas, inspiration and energy every day.

Read a book, surf the Internet for stimulating articles and entries, go for a walk in nature, go sit on a bench and people watch. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you are enjoying it and find it relaxing, stimulating or fun. Julia Cameron “The Artist’s Way” calls these ‘artist dates’ and she recommends one a week. I recommend one a day, but then, hey, I am retired and have much more time. Do it at least once a week.

Market your work by building a strong platform.

Michael Hyatt, author, says to think of yourself as being at the back of a big arena with no microphone. You want to be noticed. But without a platform and a microphone no one will see you or hear you. It’s the same with your book. Talk up your book to everyone, use social media, seek speaking engagements, and get you and your writing out into the public eye.