barbaraheagy10@gmail.com – Page 4

Home Again

I’m home. I return with two small tokens of our 9-day road trip, a coffee mug and a small stone.

The fine porcelain mug was bought at Ten Mile Point Trading Post on Manitoulin Island, a shop full of Indigenous art and souvenirs. The cup is designed by Chipewyan Dene artist John Rombough. He calls the design “Remember” and it includes hands extended over a landscape of sand, rock, and trees, painted in a Native Art style. It comes in a box on which is written, “As the two ancestors watch over the land, they pray for all the children – every child matters.” We passed through many Indigenous communities in our nine days of travel from Tobermory in the Bruce Peninsula, to Manitoulin Island, Sault Ste. Marie, Sudbury, North Bay, and Orillia/Barrie area, journeying almost 1,500 kilometres past stunning rock outcroppings and cliffs, shining lakes, and forests just coming to life in their fall glory. On September 30, Canada celebrated “Orange Shirt Day – Every Child Matters,” and on our trip from Sault Ste. Marie to Sudbury, we saw many people wearing orange T-shirts or waving flags and banners as a reminder of the native children lost in the residential schools, as well as their survivors, families, and communities. My mug will always be a treasured memory of our trip and First Nation lands and culture.

My second little souvenir is a small fossilized stone picked up beside the train rails in Agawa Canyon. For Christmas my daughters bought us a ride on the Agawa Canyon Train Tour, a one day wilderness excursion from Sault Ste. Marie to Agawa Canyon Park near the south edge of Lake Superior Provincial Park. The trip included four hours of travel past small communities and breathtaking wilderness scenery to the beautiful Agawa Canyon. At the canyon, we had 1 ½ hours to eat our boxed lunch and explore a high lookout for the brave and tireless or hike shorter trails to two spectacular waterfalls. We chose the waterfalls. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, the trees were just beginning to change colour with hints of pastel yellows and greens and occasional slashes of brilliant oranges and reds. The cascading waterfalls fall over 225 feet at the highest and are beautiful enough to be captured by more than one of the Group of Seven artists. The engines looped back on a side track to reattach at the other end of the 17 car train for the 4 ½ hour return trip. The train ride was both exciting and relaxing. Leaving behind the city, we enjoyed breathtaking views of morning mist rising over lakes and forests, looked up to rising rock faces of ancient, weathered stone, and took in spectacular views from towering trestles. My little gray stone will always be my reminder of the majestic and rugged landscape of our one-of-a-kind train ride and journey across northern Ontario.

Summer is Gone

Summer has ended. Officially it ends with the Autumn Equinox, this year being September 22, but for many the Labour Day weekend marks the end of road trips, camping, and long, lazy cottage vacations.

The hot sultry days of July and August turn to rainy days and cool evenings. Gardens are in late bloom and many flowers have gone to seed. Harvest time is upon us as tomatoes turn red on the vine and squash are beginning to form and mature. I have seen signs of autumn colour in the trees and the geese are practising their flight skills for the long migration ahead of them. The shadows are getting longer and the days are getting shorter. Frosty nights are not far off.

Fall fairs are upon us, the kids are back to school, and stores have been stocked with paper, pencils, and knapsacks for weeks. Most families have finished their shopping and new outfits for that first day back are hanging in closets or tucked into drawers. Students are waiting for that first morning when they greet their new teacher and see old friends.

There’s a sense of sadness when summer ends but there is also a jittery eagerness, an excitement that marks the new season. Fall celebrates its own traditions with Thanksgiving and Hallowe’en, a time for new ways to gather and have fun.

Meanwhile, there are still some sunny days ahead of us. Enjoy these last days of summer while you can.

Vision Boards Bring Hope

With my recent renovation, I have been cleaning out shelves and cupboards that have held things for years. One of the things I found was a vision board that I made 12 years ago when my husband Tom was diagnosed with cancer.

A vision board is a visual collage of images and words that reflect your goals and dreams in life. I made mine with magazine photos and words as well as some art made by my Gr. 1 students at the time. My vision board includes pictures of dance, nature, travel, and good health. I posted it in my kitchen where we would see it every day and it inspired us and gave us hope for the future during our cancer journey. It was our daily reminder to live our best life.

Perhaps a vision board could help you through a difficult time of your life. No matter what’s happening, we can still live every day with zest and joy and be full of gratitude for the many small gifts that come our way. A vision board reminds you to be filled with hope for the future. Never stop dreaming. Never stop loving life.

Printer Problems? Apply Force

grayscale photo of gray and black metal machine

A while back, I was having printer issues and my daughter Brittany happened to be visiting. The screen was flashing an ERROR message, so she found a YouTube video that highlighted the same problem. We studiously followed the instructions, step by step, but it didn’t solve the problem. We tried other videos. The printer still wasn’t working. So we went to a chat line of other people who had the same problem. Seven out of the seven people all suggested some form of tapping, smacking, jerking, jarring or dropping it. Well, we unplugged it, raised it up from the floor about three inches and dropped it. We plugged it back in AND IT WORKED! I have had the same problem once since then. I didn’t waste my energy this time. I unplugged it, gave it a little drop, plugged it back in and, again, it worked. It’s been fine ever since. Some call this Percussive Maintenance, the Technical Tap, Impact Calibration, or Kinetic Realignment. Whatever you want to call it, it seems to work. The old adage holds some truth. “Not working. Give it a good kick.”

I know. I know. It’s probably only temporary. But I’ll take it. There’s another old adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Meanwhile, I probably should be keeping an eye on printer sales.

Support Your Local Authors and Book Stores

Because my first book I published was through Balboa Press, a self-publishing company associated with Hay House Publishing, I get many requests over the years through e-mails and phone messages from companies that want to help me with further publishing and marketing strategies. The problems with these are they are American. Because I published my book with an American company, all my publishing and printing costs are in US$. I pay greater shipping costs, including duty, for my books that have to cross the border into Canada. When they sell through Amazon, my publisher takes their first cut, then the American government taxes me for my royalty earnings. There are forms (W-8BEN) to be filled out for the reimbursement of those dollars, and I did pay a specialized Canadian accountant to help me submit these forms, but for some reason the US government refused my submission and requested that it be re-submitted. Needless to say, I have been a little frustrated with the whole procedure by using an American company for my book publishing. I now use Canadian companies only. It’s cheaper in the long run for me, less complicated, and more hands-on and manageable.

My books are available through Amazon but as a self-published author, most of my books have been sold by word-of-mouth to Canadian book buyers either through personal sales or Canadian Indie Book Stores. I am thankful for these stores that continue to carry my books for a fair price. My books are available at Bookshelf, Guelph, Ontario and Booklore, Orangeville, Ontario. I am thankful for these stores that promote me and other authors. I also have copies available which I will ship to you for a nominal postal fee. My books “10 – A Story of Live, Life, and Loss” and “Good Grief People” are available for $20 and generally a $5 shipping fee, depending on where they will be shipped.

Support your Canadian authors and book store owners. Check out Canadian Independent Bookstore Day, April 30, at a local Indie book store. You may have an opportunity to meet a live author and buy a signed book or you may win a prize of $250, $500, or $1000 to the Canadian independent bookstore of your choice.

Go With the Flow

I recently read an article by communication scientist Richard Huskey about flow; what is it, what is its benefits, why should we seek to find it in our lives. (Why Does Experiencing ‘Flow’ Feel So Good? A Communication Scientist Explains)

Flow occurs when we feel focused and in control of an activity. We lose our sense of time and surroundings. We have a strong sense of ourselves and the intricacies of the action. The ease and natural energy we dispense brings us joy and a sense of well-being. We feel in control and capable. We’re ‘in the zone’ with an experience that is both skilled and challenging, making us feel completely satisfied with our creative accomplishments. (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Psychologist and Author “Beyond Boredom and Anxiety: Experiencing Flow in Work and Play)

There are many ways we can achieve flow in our lives. It can happen with equestrians, swimmers, artists, dancers, musicians, cooks, chess players, surfers, or mountain climbers. It can even happen with video game players. It doesn’t matter so much what you do as long as it brings you a sense of “self-control, goal pursuit, and well-being.” This experience of flow makes us more resilient and capable in other areas of our lives too. It can keep us from burnout and depression and worry. It can help us cope with difficult times and situations such as the pandemic.

I find flow in my dance, my writing, cooking, yoga, gardening, and walking in nature. These activities bring me a sense of joy and well-being and a sense of accomplishment. I feel relaxed and happy when I do them.

Do you have ‘flow’ in your life? What makes you feel in-the-zone?

What Did You Learn Today?

This week I have been learning something new every day: Monday I heard about a seiche (look it up), Tuesday I tried a new recipe of Beef Barley Soup, Wednesday my friend told me about her amigurumi (again, look it up), Thursday I learned about The Golden Key, and now today Friday, I heard a new Christmas song I’ve never heard before, “Dominick the Donkey.” Maybe this month I will focus on learning something new every day and consciously play tribute to it.

As a teacher, I often would review the day with my students with “What did we do today?” I wanted it fresh in their minds so that when their parents asked the same question, they would maybe have an answer instead of “Nothing.” My favourite radio station CHYM with Brady and Tara does the same thing at the end of their morning programming. “What did we learn today?” Brady asks. I like it because I get a short outline of what went on that morning as I usually don’t hear their whole program.

So, what did you learn today? Or, recently? Enjoy the song!

Memories of Christmases Past – A Story of Frogs

This morning I had a Facebook conversation with a writer friend, Carolyn Wilker. She had posted a picture and comment about her Christmas tree and its decorations. We ended up listing the variety of ornaments we had on our Christmas trees and shared a little bit about the stories behind them, as she said, “Stories of love on our Christmas trees.” I told her that there was a story for every decoration on my Christmas tree. Here’s one of them.

Between 2001 and 2010, Tom, an old high school friend who later became my husband, was a part of my life.When I first started dating my Tom, I noticed he had a small collection of frogs in his home. I began looking for other frogs to add to his collection and bought him a colourful, whimsical frog as a decoration for our first Christmas tree. So began a new tradition.

Each Christmas, a new shiny frog was added to the tree to celebrate another happy year together for us. Each one was unique and different and acted as a symbol of our love and time together.

After six years of love, we were married. Just before our fourth wedding anniversary, Tom was diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer. Seven months later, just before Christmas, the cancer took Tom’s life.

We had ten devoted years together. Ten frogs on the Christmas tree are a reminder every year of that fulfilling love that I shared with that wonderful man.

The Death of Shame

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.”
~Ann Voskamp

While scanning the menu choices for viewing on my TV last night, I came across an international award-winning documentary called “The Apology” by director Tiffany Hsiung and producer Anita Lee for The National Film Board of Canada on TVO.

It’s a story of the 200,000 young girls and young women who were kidnapped by the Japanese Imperial Army during WWII and taken to “comfort stations” where they were forced into military sexual slavery.

The shame that these ‘comfort women’ carried with them after their release was silently carried for decades until enough of them were encouraged to reveal the truth and begin a path to healing and recovery with their families and their governments before their stories were lost forever as they passed on.

The story is told through the eyes of three elderly women; Grandma Gil in South Korea, Grandma Cao in China, and Grandma Adela in the Philippines. The shame and guilt these women carried for so many years and their bravery and determination to tell their stories and gain a formal apology and compensation from the Japanese government before they are gone is heart-breaking and inspirational.

Through sharing their stories with other victims and finding the courage to finally reveal their hidden truths to their families and those close to them, these women are beginning to find healing and gain international support. In 2014, Gil Won-ok traveled to Geneva, Switzerland where she delivered 1.5 million signatures to the office of the high commissioner of human rights at The United Nations demanding redress to the victims of wartime sexual slavery.

Through telling their stories, past transgressions are brought to light and hope is given to those who survive. When shame, judgement, and blame are set aside it makes room for understanding, healing, and love.

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
― Brené Brown, ‘Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead’

Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize

Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. Do these words strike terror in your heart?

Over the years I have helped friends and family to downsize and start anew with a smaller home. Now I am trying to minimize my own belongings. Not because I have any visions of moving but I see the inevitability of it as I age. I would like to start now. I have found that decluttering happens in stages.

Stage 1 is easy. To toss, sell, or give away those clothes, pieces of furniture, knick knacks and collectibles, extra dishes and other belongings that we haven’t used in years or have no need for any more in our forseeable future is really not that hard. In fact, it may even be an easy and quick process.

Stage 2 begins to get a little more difficult. We now are dealing with those things we own but never or rarely use with the statement, “I may need this someday.” I no longer fit into that beautiful dress but I will lose that weight and it will fit me again. I may need those extra dishes and linens when family come to visit. I may read those books someday. That china plate is just too beautiful to part with.

A long-time friend that I helped move three times over the years found it impossible to part with antique collectibles, fine china, her sterling silver sets, because of her emotional attachment to an earlier financially richer time of her life. Even though she never used these things anymore and would not be using them in her future, she was caught up in what they symbolized to her. They meant she was worthy. She was valuable. To part with these kinds of belongings needed encouragement and loving negotiation from family and friends.

Stage 3 is the most difficult of all. Now we find ourselves having to part with things that are sentimental to us or have wonderful memories that we connect to the object. To depart with these things is like throwing away pieces of our selves. We don’t want to do it and we may not be ready emotionally to do it. If we have the space to store it, then perhaps we will hold on to it a little longer. Sometimes we have no choice and things have to go. There just isn’t room for it.

This stage of purging takes a lot more thought and deliberation. It means we have to answer deeper questions about ourselves and who we truly are. It can be painful. But it can also be freeing and edifying. As I lighten up the load of my belongings, life becomes more meaningful. Who am I? Why is that so important to me? Does it really represent who I am today, now, in the present? Does it really add to my future and my future self?

This past summer, my daughter, an interior designer, helped me to refurbish and renovate a cluttered back sun porch. Things I had been storing for years, for a variety of reasons, finally found a new home or were thrown away. Collections of glassware were re-evaluated. Only the choicest pieces stayed and found a more suitable place in my home. My wind chime collection now hangs in my outdoor garden. My daughter chose one little wooden robin from my larger collection and placed it prominently on the top of a new shoe cabinet. With one beautiful little piece, she highlighted its beauty and it acts as a simple single symbol of my past.

Purge. Organize. Declutter. Minimize. These words can make your life simpler and more meaningful. Get rid of that stuff. You may end up feeling lighter, less burdened, and more yourself than you have in a long time. Live your new life with joy. Make some new memories.